Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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