After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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