Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize