my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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