Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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