my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
