You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
