The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize