I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
