I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
