you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
