omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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