My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
