That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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