can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
