lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My bed smells like the plague
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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