wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize