I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
