everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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