cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
