I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
