have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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