i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
