i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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