I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
