once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
