I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
