um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
this will be a night to untag.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
