I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
