i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
