She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
