now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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