Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
