Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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