I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
