She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
