best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
