did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
No...this little piggys going to the bar
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
