If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
