Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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