all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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