So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
