Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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