Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Less talking, more tequila
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
