first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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