I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i love accidental penises.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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