Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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