Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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