Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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