i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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