The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
