I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
