the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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