Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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