This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
