Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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