Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
