I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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