break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
