Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
