Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
