I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
