i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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