I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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