dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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