ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
