i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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