the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
