Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
