I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
