drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
