Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
