and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
