this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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