3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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