I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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