My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize