If that was your dad, he is hot
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
