that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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