She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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