My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
