Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
