Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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