Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
