dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
