the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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