legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
not ubering you a puppy
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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