Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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