he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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