Apparently you make a good broom.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
