She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
