hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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