There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
