saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we made out on top of his cat.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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