Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Vodka?
Forever.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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