I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
