I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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