i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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