I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
