That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think people are normalizing furries
So here I am, sexting at work.
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