I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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