so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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