I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
