with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize