i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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